I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Vodka?
Forever.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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