you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
