it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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