I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
