It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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