my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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