so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
