grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
