So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
