Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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