guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
