She's JV to your varsity
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
