I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
