I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
