I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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