We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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