Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
