You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
