Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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