Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
