i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i think my mom watched the whole time
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
