Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you had me at cake vodka
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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