just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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