is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
