I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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