my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
