The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
