So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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