I just threw up on my dentist
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize