OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
