question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He has the fingertips of a God
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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