I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
