A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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