the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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