Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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