she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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