It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
