Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
