My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
