I'm so fucking centered right now
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
