What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
