I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
