my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
