dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
