Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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