someone owes me an orgasm
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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