Small penises have feelings too.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
