Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
