"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
