Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
