Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
