dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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