Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
