So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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