my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
