Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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