just tell him i said nine months
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
