if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
