he looks like a really good dad on facebook
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
