can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
