his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
